Movies Show Our Lives From Beginning To End
PHASE 1-Chapter 1
They passed a long rod over my head. It radiated in the darkness. Peace left me as I realized the dimness of the situation. Life has left my body now and has left me in a world of answers. Even answers too deep for me to understand. Falling forward and into darkness was the last of the void, then came the light.
The presence came closer. He took my hand. Not as we might hold hands with a loved one, but rather a mind and spirit handhold. That which makes one feel loved, wanted, and humble. I wanted this feeling to last forever, but it was not what they wanted. They wanted me to continue. Not settle into contentment but to burrow on, to lift myself toward a goal.
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I must find my past, learn from it and then settle into knowledge that settles one mind into a large void. Void is a place of nothingness, much like a large tire filled with air. You can't see anything, but you know it is there. Accepting proof is hard. All that we've done is termed life.
We know that we live for others, but we also live on earth for ourselves. A pleasant thought that keeps me going. We put ourselves first. No one is as familiar with this as I am. I put myself first all the time, that's what I learned as a child in my mother's arms when she gave me to the social worker the third day of my life on earth.
"I am alive!" I shouted, "and I am not wanted, not by her anyway."
It was not true. She loved me enough to want me to have what she termed, "Good people around me." She did not find that good inside herself and so I found myself gone from her arms. Now I'm gone from life all together, as we think life is anyway, and caught in a place unlike any we've seen before. I've seen it myself in my dreams, but nothing like what really happens.
A man comes to me and says, "Your life has ended, come with me."
I go and as I follow him we cross an ocean. Not by any means, but foot. We stop at the other side and I realize I can never return to the life I just left. It is the end of who I was, now I begin finding out what I must do to continue living here. I am dropped off at a large building. While waiting I realize the building is just an electric shell. Not sturdy, not above me, nor below, but next to me, as tall as I am. When I reach for it, it moves and sadness overcomes my composure. On earth is all as solid as we think? I wonder! The tall man I followed tells me his story.
"I came here fifty of earth's years ago. When I arrived I found the ground under me was not solid, nor were the buildings. You get accustomed to its feel and texture." Upon entering the building, another man came forward. I didn't know him, but he called me by name. It took me back.
"We know all about you and have been waiting to welcome you to our side. This is a building of knowledge. Knowledge is in you that you didn't know you had. We bring that out from you and send it to your mind to keep. You'll find knowledge never leaves you. Although you are not in command of reaching it, it is always there. Let's get you started."
I noticed a chair in front of me. I don't remember it being there before. I sat as instructed and I felt alone. I wasn't alone; I just felt that way. I pointed my finger towards the screen, which had just come into view. Where was it before? It was floating in front of me. A reel began to spin beside me. One of those old fashioned projectors reels you found in school when you were a child. The light came on the screen and I witnessed an argument I had with a playmate some sixty-five years ago. I looked about ten. My friend, a boy down the street looked a little older. I laughed in his face when I saw him start to cry. I pushed his bike to the side of the fence and told him his mother was a wimp and he was just like her. It was the same argument that took place all those years ago but now it was played for me, loudly, in color and as I sat there I cried. I was feeling not the violence of myself, but the pain I inflicted on my friend. My anguish and thoughts had me gripped like a wilted little boy that was my little friend. Then I saw myself leave, with my bike, leaving him to walk home alone and in despair.
The feeling of being alone over took me once again and the despair was mine alone. The projector left the room in the same way it had arrived. Gone with no explanation. In its place was someone I longed to see. My favorite person in the entire world to me, my adopted mother's brother, my uncle. He took me to my feet and hugged me. His familiar hug and cologne filled me with a ray of hope for my existence on earth. Here was a friend I loved. He left the earth as I approached my fortieth birthday. For all those years he stood by me as the protector of my little body. As I grew up, he left me, as I learned later, only after he knew I was okay. He took me in when my parents fought. He took me in when my parents threw me out, something I wanted to happen. And he took me in as I grew to be a man, when I had trouble with my own family. My wife, my kids, my job were all coming apart, and there was my uncle. As I stood in his hug I knew he had come to help me once again.
"Come," he instructed, "Let's sit and talk."
Now we were outside. The building was gone. The sky a beautiful blue. Nothing can describe this scene. Not even the best most perfect camera can come close to these colors. The green grass, the beautiful trees and a man who always loved me standing by my side. There was no one else around. Just the two of a beautiful brook and us filled with water and fish that I just now noticed. That's where we sat. In the two chairs that just appeared and a large table that held our soft drinks. Calmness overtook me.
"What was to come next?" I asked my uncle. "What is it I must feel to push me past this part of my reason for being here?"
I wasn't entirely at peace with what he said, but here it is.
"No one is an island. We are all connected. As we meet others and enjoy their company we love and feel loved. That is the easy part. That is the part we have earned by being in tune with the other lives we have been living over centuries of existence. But when we hurt others we can't take it with us then, because it must be done to emphasize their past. They must be feeling the pain for that moment not you. But when we leave earth we feel each other's pain and love. We keep them within ourselves so eventually only love will be with us. In the picture you saw, the little boy you hurt had to feel that pain. If he takes that pain and helps others not to feel it then he has been given a great gift. This feeling of helping not hurting is with us all the time. We just feel it less when we are on earth learning our lessons. To me when we do the wrong thing on earth we don't learn its impact on others until we come here and this impact is given to us to feel. When you felt your friend's pain it was an awful feeling. When you turned and felt my love you felt aglow. The days ahead of you will be painful. We all give and receive our feeling of pain and love. Now you will come to understand the value of each."
"There's a value of pain?" I asked in earnest.
"We take the pain we have in behalf of others inside us. We sympathize there and if we are lucky when we return to earth it will be in a more loving state of mind."
"Do you feel that state of mind?" I asked.
"Not as much as I would like to. The power to give pain and love is always with us. We know it is not so easy for some to give either one, depending on who they are. I want to feel that I can give only love, but of course we give both."
I knew that somewhere in my mind. I can give both. Then why was it me they picked to give my little friend a lesson in pain?" I thought this in my mind but my uncle knew my thoughts. In fact that's how we had been having this talk. We were just thinking. I saw his smile as he realized my mind had just caught on to this fact.
"We all know each others thoughts. We all feel for each other and we all find peace in others love here. But as you now know there are no secrets."
I didn't like hearing this but the time to think was not to come. Everything disappeared and in its place was the building where I met my uncle. I had no choice. I entered the door, sat down and watched what seemed like an eternity of my life. Things I remembered things I forgot things I thought were hidden. Like the time I started an avalanche of stones falling off a cliff. I was alone then, or was I just in a world where I thought I was alone.
There it was in front of me, pictures of me doing wrong, doing right, having fights, learning spelling as a child, etc. There I was watching it all. No one around just me, and my life on the screen. Then it came, the part I dreaded most. Not any preparation could have prepared me for this.
My birth mother came on the screen. I witnessed parts of her life as it pertained to me. Her feelings during every one of my birth dates until the day she died. The arguments with my birth father who beat her and sent her to the hospital in tears, and the last time she saw me when the social worker took me from her arms. I always thought my birth mother felt nothing giving me away.
I was in my late 20's when I met her. She was very sick. Pneumonia, they told me. She knew she was dying and she was told to call me if she wanted to see me. She did and I loved her on sight. I lied. I told her I had a good life and she never knew the truth. That's funny to me now as I realize she saw movies like this of me. "We learn from each other. No man is an island," said my uncle. The feeling came over me of wholeness and I felt a peacefulness I hadn't felt, ever. Why? I can't tell you. I just did.
I was done there because the building was no longer. I was alone with my memories. At least I wanted to be alone and sort it out. It wasn't to be. Again my uncle approached where I was standing.
"Now comes the hard part." He sighed.
"Are you kidding? That was tough watching my life like that."
"You are not done."
He led me down some stairs and across a lawn. Everything dropped away and I stood outside my apartment where people were going through my things. Police I suspect. Detective in real suits not uniforms opening drawers, looking through closets, anything to find a clue as to who killed me. They'll never find a thing. I didn't know the muggers. All I did was meet a friend for dinner and walk to my car alone near a pier. They took me from behind. I hope they get those murders, but I don't think they will. Not on my account anyway. They'll have to do more bad before they are caught. I saw it in the movies. I was shown. Also, someone they know, who will turn them in, will catch them.
I left my apartment because my uncle insisted. I wanted to stay. I liked it there. I found it nice to be, once again, in my home. I made it my home.
I lived there for the past ten years and I felt as though I'd never leave. I didn't by choice. My uncle pulled me out a side door of the patio and told me that we had a lot of work to do. We were going to meet some people. I then found myself next to my adopted sister's son. He was my best friend as he grew up. He'd ignore all the bad things said about me and come with me to ball games, the zoo, and just to stay at my house. I looked at him as my uncle looked at me now, with an understanding of the force that brings us together. The need to be a part of another life and the ability to give our love to them. This boy, my nephew, was upset.
The reason he was upset was a surprise to me. This thing that upset him was my death. He said in this mind, that he didn't want me to go and tears rolled down his face. I looked at my uncle. He felt it too because some thirty years ago that was me mourning his passing. How it is to know I will be missed is unexplainable. As unexplainable as a tree standing after a hurricane. That's how I felt. I really have survived death though one child who will recall my name to others in the name of love and tenderness.
I felt alive on earth and that has not left me to this date. I feel stronger than ever and whenever I think of people that I've left I just go visit them. I stay a while and they seem to know I am there. No matter when they come here I'll be ready for them and guide them as my uncle guided me. For what else can we do more important for our loved ones than to be here for them when they review their life on earth?
My life now is still a learning experience and also a teaching experience as it was in my life on earth. We are all one and I hope when I return to earth for a while in another body, I can feel all that I feel now and hold our love as precious and people as a part of us that must go on as we part company. Stand next to a loved one and you will feel what I mean.
[End of Excerpt]
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